Friday, January 13, 2006

A Shocking Character Assassination Piece

Friends, I have terrible news. I just came to the conclusion that The Great Frank J., of IMAO.us, is a BLEADING-HEART LIBERAL!!!!

Yes, I know it's shocking, but it's true!!! I swear!

Sure, Frank J. is a mild-mannered engineer by profession, and he married someone pretty from Texas who likes guns. All of that lends credence to his claims of conservatism, but it’s just an alter ego he created to mislead us all.

Take a look at the carefully collected evidence I have unearthed.

He lets that weird (and lame) superhero Aquaman post to his site. That guy is crazy! Why would a conservative talk to him for even a second? Answer: Frank J. talks to him because he’s a liberal!

He has cats, plural, as if one wasn’t bad enough. Everyone knows that dogs are more conservative than cats. They help with household chores, like fetching your slippers and newspapers, and some even help you with fine conservative actions like hunting. But cats do nothing but lay around the house all day. In fact, by owning and feeding cats, Frank J. is promoting a welfare society.

Frank J. has also admitted that he wants to be the Overlord of the Blogdodecahedron (Here is a picture of him). He says that he wants to bring governmental regulation to the untamed masses of blogs. If that kind of big government desire doesn’t scream liberal at you, then I’ll do it. (If you’re reading this at work, you might want to turn down the volume for a second.) LIBERAL!

He has Mao's name as part of the title of his blog. He might even be a communist in addition to being a liberal.

He went to an engineering college. What do you think they teach at those places? How to be a conservative? No way, Jose! He didn't even do ROTC. In fact, he's never served in the military. Unlike his brother, who is a hero. But Frank J. is not, 'cause he's a liberal!

He’s funny, and all you have to do is consider Al Franken (FRANKen, see the resemblance?) to know that all comedians are liberal!

But the biggest and most damning proof that Frank J. is a liberal is still to come…just continue reading and you’ll see.
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Frank J. is a WRITER! He has a blog. Not only that, but he writes stories! (So far, SuperEgo, and No Good Deed. - Free Subscription Required) Everyone knows that writers are liberal.
Update: Frank J. has also talked about wanting to publish a book. That in itself adds to the proof that he is a writer - one of the most common forms of Liberal. But, even more relevant is the fact that this book was supposed to be a collection of his Rumsfeld-Bashing In My World articles. Keep an eye out for this book, it will help you to continue your studies of Liberals-in-Disguise.

I hope I’ve saved a few of you from believing Frank J.’s lies. You should go check out his website for yourself, so that you can become more familiar with the tactics of the left. But don’t be confused! The rest of the bloggers on the site are mostly ok. Except, sometimes, for Harvey (he’s an atheist), and Lawrence Simon (he’s a Jew), and Right Wing Duck (he lives in California, and he’s a Mexican, so he’s probably an unemployed illegal immigrant who steals welfare money from America). So the only ones you can trust are Sarah K. (Except she just married Frank J., so she might be influenced by him), Spacemonkey (except he’s a monkey, so you need to be careful), and Cadet Happy (but he’s a Lawyer, so be careful).

Come to think of it, they all do this thing called a podcast…and that’s sort of like radio…and NPR is on the radio…Oh NO! They’re all liberals!

You should still go visit the site, but only for self-edification purposes, and be careful!

Update: I decided it was only fair to e-mail this to Frank J., and give him a chance to deny the charges. It's possible (I'll admit, only slightly possible) that I have misunderstood some things. We'll just have to wait for his response, and then I'll post it. You can then decide.
Of course, if he doesn't respond, then we'll just have to assume that what I've said is true. That will be a sad day. Indeed.

Update II: Right Wing Duck responds, sort of. (He always was my favorite addition when they went to a group blog.) I hope that Frank J. can explain all this. I really did like his site, ever since I started reading it. While all of you are over here, you might as well check out the rest of the place...I don't have much more like this, but no one can read my site and not know that I'm a conservative, and a Browncoat.

3 comments:

  1. Oh no! I've been reading Frank J. for years! I never suspected, but that is some convincing evidence that you've collected!

    He he, great post. When is Frank J. going to respond?

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  2. Awesome post... and utterly believeable.

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  3. Thanks Nightcrawler...and realize that Frank J. still hasn't responded...is he hiding something maybe?

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